Exploding Eggs
Hi, I’m Ellie. I might need stronger meds.
In 2025, right before the holidays, I apparently became a camel - you know, the one with the straw and broken back - and quit my toxic job of 10yrs and started my own cleaning business. Having somehow made it through a very fast decompression, followed immediately by the holidays - here we are, new year, terrified me.
As we are all hurled into 2026, ready or not - I must admit thus far it has been a bit worrisome. At exactly 30mins into the new year our house flooded with some kind of chemical odor, likely from the neighborhood going a little too hard with the fireworks, and I had an asthma attack followed promptly by singeing sinuses. That lead to multiple inhaler rounds, an antihistamine, and wearing a kn95 mask for the next 2 hours. Happy New Year! Now here we are a mere 6 days later and an egg just exploded in my face. I can explain. Vegans cover your ears.
*Disclaimer: no faces were mortally wounded in the egg explosion. Do not try this at home, or anywhere really.
I feel I should begin by saying I have always had a special set of skills in the kitchen - unfortunately, they are more destructive and less productive ones. Until tonight, my current claim to fame was setting an electric stove on fire while boiling water. If any of you are good at maths, physics, or general understanding of stoves then you’ve likely said already “that’s not possible”. My dad said a similar thing; I’m a woman of many talents.
Now that you have a base understanding I will proceed. Early this evening, my wonderful husband decided to cook some steaks. I wasn’t hungry at the time so he stored mine for me, for later. I know, he’s very sweet, and knows me well. Sure enough, a couple hours later I was starving, but feeling too lazy to fix any sides to go with the steak. I decided I would modify a trick my mom showed me and microwave an egg. This is where things might have deviated into the path of destruction. Hindsight am I right?
*Another Disclaimer: my mom is a fantastic cook, she just knows some life hacks for when we’re in a hurry, things she likely picked up along the way having been married to a neurodivergent and having raised 2 neurodivergent and one neurotypical baby children. She’s amazing.
So the trick is, if you’re in a hurry and need an egg for a sausage biscuit, you can scramble one in a bowl and microwave it for 30 seconds. I decided, because I'm overly confident in my impulsive decision making skills, and my meds had long since worn off, that I would cook 2 eggs in a smaller bowl and over easy instead of scrambled. I like them best over easy.
*This is not how my mom does it. No one recommends this.
After 45 seconds my eggs were popping in the microwave, so I pulled them out to take a lookyloo. I noticed that in-between the two eggs they were still a bit raw so I put them back into the microwave for 45 seconds. I must admit, I only intended another 30 seconds, but I was being lazy and just hit the +30 seconds button twice with the determination that I was going to stop the microwave at 45 seconds.
I had the best of intentions.
Unfortunately, the show I was watching from the kitchen had continued to play on and I had missed it while checking on my eggs. So I went into the living room (which is like 20ft from the kitchen, very open concept) and rewound the show and pushed play. During this literally 15 second affair, give or take 30 seconds, I heard the eggs popping like popcorn in the microwave. I immediately pulled the bowl out, set the eggs on the counter, touched the egg with a fork, and then BOOM! Egg yolk exploded all over my face, my hair, the dog, and all over the kitchen island. My husband, who was in his office, heard the explosion, and my scream of surprise followed by the bark from the dogs, and asked: “What was that? Are you ok? Do you need help?” I answered “Egg, I think so, and probably”. As he entered into the room and looked at me he managed to get out “is that.. egg…? You have egg” before he can finish his sentence I am DYING laughing. I can’t speak, I’m covered in egg, and I can’t even tell him what just happened. He just sweetly started picking egg out of my hair while I cry from laughter and manage to get out “An egg just exploded in my face”. After I finished picking egg out of my eyebrows, and checking on Peaches (our golden retriever who was too close to the blast zone and ended up with egg on her back), my husband said “Please, can you explain what actually happened though?”.
I did, we laughed, I nearly peed my pants, called my mom, told my best friend - and now - all of you.
After another wonderful experience in the kitchen, always a pleasure, and after I finished telling 5 of my best friends and actually eating my 1 egg and steak (yes there was a survivor and yes, I ate it) - I had such a wonderful stillness that I hadn’t had all day. I was so worried today about budgets, my business, contingencies, and as always bills - when what I should have been worried about was the assault potential right here in my home! Exploding eggs! I had no idea my fight for my life was going to be so much more simple than my worries about tomorrow. Which is what lead to my moment of stillness and realization that sometimes, life is just about surviving the day, laughing with the ones you love the most, and embracing the exploding eggs.
So here’s to a new year, and a more in-the-moment me.
Please enjoy the photo of Peaches, who is currently disgruntled at me regarding the egg incident. And for all of you curious, no, this is not where the expression “egg on your face” originated, I googled. Sad.
- Ellie
